Horrible night last night . . . received some bad news just before bedtime (no, nobody died, but it feels that way), and my system’s devestated. I don’t know who put the littles to bed last night. Not Mrs. Homebody, who would normally do so. She’s the main comforter in our system, but when she’s hurting she’s no good to anyone. This morning I’m dazed and shaky, as is always the case when I don’t get enough sleep.
At some point I fell asleep for a while and dreamt that I stumbled across a new website for multiples. Oh, it was so beautiful! Everything about it just glowed: the graphics, the writings, the tone. With a sort of holy excitement I discovered that anyone who wanted to join the site would receive a little quilt block (about the size of a postage stamp!), to embroider and jazz up any way they pleased.
I sent for my block, and when it arrived spent many happy hours personalizing it with all kinds of itty bitty, colorful stitching. Once it was done I was allowed to sew it onto the quilt (this was a real quilt, not an “electronic” one, and absolutely gorgeous.) But, after attaching my block, I began weeping profusely; it wouldn’t lie flat next to the others because it was all puckery. Next to the other blocks it looked crumpled and ugly. I knew then that I would never fit in, would never be one of “them”, those multiples with a talent for such beautiful expression.