Far from the maddening crowd

I’ve tried several times in the past couple of days to post something here, but no dice. There’s way too much going on inside my head. Sometimes I can ignore it and push on through, but not now.

 

One thing that is particularly bugging me is, I’m getting worn to a frazzle–emotionally speaking–from all this talk and writing about DID. Sure, I’m a multiple. Sure, it’s my daily reality, and it’s a good thing to deal with reality on an ongoing basis. But there’s got to be some kind of a respite, doesn’t there, from the daily intensity of being a “survivor” (oh hateful word!)

 

Some days I want simply to enjoy spending time with my sons and grandkids, or to listen to music which moves me, or even to do nothing more than laze around, watching old b/w movies on cable. I need, apparently, to waste some of my precious time on earth in making smart-alec comments to stupid sitcom characters, even if they can’t hear me. I need to bake bread (or someone inside of me does–see, here I go again!), and I’m pretty convinced that there are movies, probably whole rows of them at Hollywood Video, calling out to me, begging to be watched.

 

I don’t mean to imply that I can turn my multiplicity on and off at will. Some seem to be able to do so, or that’s the way it comes across anyway. I can’t. But I can up to a certain point override the inner chaos and babbling long enough to do something which is just for me. Still haven’t figured out just who that is, but I know that whoever it is is a seperate entity from my insiders. And this entity needs, once in a blue moon, to detach from so many needs and simply be.

 


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2 thoughts on “Far from the maddening crowd”

  1. Ok, here is my unsolicited advice…
    Take a BREAK!
    Do what you need to do. Take a break from blogging.
    Or, blog about whatever you want to. Blog about a pretty flower you saw. Blog about the movie you last watched. Blog about the sitcom character who still has no idea what his neighbor looks like from the nose down.
    The title (or is it sub-title) of your blog is “A Day in the Life of a Multiple…” That doesn’t mean it always has to be about struggling with who is out. Even if that is a daily reality for you. Your days include other things. From a breakfast with burnt toast or cold bath just to cool off.
    I know you don’t need it from me, but I‘ll say it anyhow, you have permission to blog about whatever you want to blog about. This is your place to journal, write, share, be introspective, process whatever you want/need to, or just escape. It is your space. You just happen to also be a multiple and choose to also educate others here…

    JMO
    (((hugs)))

  2. Working on issues, talking about the result of abuse (DID) or anything heavy can drain you quickly, especially if you don’t have twice the support for half the intensity of it all. Sitting it down and taking a breather is just fine. As you can see, on my blog I talk about more than DID. I talk about getting hit by my own truck, about my silly cats and my off the wall dog (I belive he may have some mental issues). I even do themed entries like Gratitude Monday that have nothing to do with DID. My entire life is centered on DID but the center has to be surrounded by something. My life is more than DID. It impacts it greatly but there are other things out there. When I post stuff that is lighthearted I may be taking a breather or I may feel fine and don’t need to spill emotions like in other posts. Enigma is right, this is your spot, spill, laugh, moan whatever you want to do. This is yours. Heck, take a poll of those who get tired of DID entries. They can leave a comment anonymously so that their vote doesnt stick out like a soar thumb if it doesnt follow what others think it should. No script on WordPress as you know so answers will have to be via anonymous comments.

    Talk about your grandson, about artwork, about books, about the people in the movies you’re making comments to. Strange people you met at the store or some flower you saw on the sideway that grabbed your attention. Anything you want to say. Trust me, readers will still come by.

    Austin

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