Jenny, my 7 year old alter whom I’m trying to lure out of hiding, lives in the past. She’s stuck in the 60’s, the era in which my abuse began. Sometimes she’s aware of what’s happening in real time, but not always.
Today on the way back from the store, I kept feeling an urge to play a CD I haven’t listened to since before my auntie died in April. It’s gospel hymns and one, Rock of Ages, is her favorite. Well. I haven’t been into music for some time and it hadn’t even occurred to me that Jenny is one of my parts who likes it best. When I realized I was feeling her yearning for this CD, I took the plunge. Sometimes, you know, you just have to be selfless enough to step aside in order to nurture a child–whether that child is internal or external.
Oh the flood of emotions which overwhelmed me at the first notes of this old hymn. So much of my history is tied up in hymns like these; I can’t help but be drawn in by them. All over again I’m reminded that I do so love God, even when I can’t reach out to Him.