Ellen, I Hardly Knew Ye

Growing up with sexual abuse while simultaneously being raised in the Seventh-day Aventist church was a double whammy. Talk about feeling like a freak! Because our church taught that Saturday is the Sabbath, we were the only family on the block who got up early Saturday mornings and drove off to church.

Being taught that one of the founders of our church, Ellen G. White, was a prophet of God, didn’t help matters any. If Scripture couldn’t be found to support one of the church’s many restrictions, her writings were sure to provide whatever back up was needed. Her writings were held up to be every bit as inspired as The Holy Bible. I grew up with the screwy paradox of being sexually assaulted by my stepdad, all the while I was being exhorted through Ellen White’s writings to keeping myself morally pure if I had any hope of being accepted by God.

Because of these two extremes operating in my life on a daily basis, I fumbled badly, not knowing what to believe about myself, let alone God. I was to be perfect and undefiled if ever I hoped to stand in His presence. How then was I to achieve this when so much of my time was spent dodging a pedophile’s unwanted advances?

About a year ago I began to have serious misgivings about the teachings of Adventism, and especially its claim to have been graced with its very own prophet. This is how long it’s taken me to even begin to think objectively about the teachings which so colored my childhood years in somber hues. Though I haven’t come to any definite conclusions about the whole prophet issue, just giving myself permission to reconsider these beliefs feels like I’ve conferred a little bit of grace on myself.

Last night I came across a website  refuting Mrs. White’s prophet status, and I couldn’t read more than a few paragraphs. DID issues give me a full plate, I don’t need to pile on spiritual confusion. But some day, eventually, I’ll need to take the time to sort all of this out. I’ve heard lots about Catholic guilt and how one can’t ever really get away from it, even after leaving the church. And I’ve heard that it’s the same for ex-Adventists; the peculiar teachings of the SDA belief system are not easy to gainsay, or root out.

A few years ago I made the decision to do my best to rid my life of all that wasn’t true. Because I so despise the hypocrisy of the family in which I was raised, this was an important and necessary step. Discernment is needed to see reality for what it is, for I find that my very identity as a child was wrapped up in so much that was false. It hurts to realize this, hurts to see so clearly the lies I was taught and how I’ve clung to them for decades. Perhaps they’ve been a security blanket of sorts. Much of my early years made no sense—how dearly I’ve needed something durable from that era to hang on to, to point to and say, “See, maybe I was treated like a sex toy and my mother didn’t care and my life was pure hell, but see how I was taught Biblical truth? It wasn’t all big fat lies! Some of it was true!”

Ah, the mindsets we cling to for dear life, never guessing how much better off we’d be without them cluttering up our minds. No one wants to admit that everything they were taught as a child was pure garbage. What a horrible thought. And yet . . . and yet, for some of us that’s exactly how it was.

For now I’ll keep Mrs. White and her prophecies on the back burner, certain (for once in my life) that God will not strike me dead if I don’t come to the right conclusion about her. In spite of her dire warnings and guilt induced writings, I’ve somehow managed to show myself a bit of grace.


(Were you just messin’ with my mind?)




5 thoughts on “Ellen, I Hardly Knew Ye”

  1. hi dreamer and kirstin

    we to were raised catholic and on top of that our mother taught in a catholic school and hung out with the nuns so we always had that contradiction in our heads also, which to some degree i think was part of the plan to use the church to keep us confused and unwilling to tell what was happening to us lest we ask for our own damnation!


  2. God is a loving God, and He is not one of confusion. If you are confused about what to believe and what not to believe, go back to the basics. God loves you and He sent His Son to die for you. That is the truth. Forget religion, and prophets and go to the Source – God Himself. God will show you the truth and reveal it to you in His time. Start by pulling out a Bible and begin to read the book of John.
    God loves you, Beautiful Dreamer, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. He cares about you, and everything that you go through He wants to help you. Just ask Him.

  3. I’ve been down the same road. Raised SDA, church school, academy….you know the routine. It took years but I now know SDA’s are a cultic religon based on the teachings of a false prophet. I would recommend ellenwhiteanswers.org and http://www.ellenwhite.org for 2 opposing viewpoints on the issue. In my opinion, the ellenwhiteanswers webpage confirms you must leave all common sense at the door to beleive the rediculous explanations for the plagarism, failed prophecies, etc. but you will have to make up you own mind. It has been painful at times to realize everything I was taught was wrong but the rewards are great when you truly free yourself. The truth really will set you FREE! Best Wishes

  4. i will like my fellow brethren to know that,we dont have to look at someone’s life to determine the life of others.Jesus Christ thought us to be very vigilant lest we will be led astray.2 timothy3;16,it is written”all scripture is given by the inspiration of God.and is profitable for doctrine,for reproof,for correction,for instruction in righteousness.matt 7;15,says”by their fruit ye shall know them.it will be my greatest honour and pleasure if you will take the bible alongside with the writtings of Madam Ellen Golden White.and you will know that there is no contradiction. Remember the MESSIAH himself was accussed,rejected and crucified by the very people he came to save.Jesus said in matt 24:4 that take heed that no man deceives you.the verse 9 says that “Then they shall deliver you up to be affliated and shall kill you:and you shall be hated of all nations for my name sake.let again look at Luther when he stood up against the papacy.he was hated and all kinds of bad things were said about him.Remember the parable JESUS Christ said in matt 21:33-41.I personally have done this research.I took some of the writings Madam WHITE such as the great controversy,the desire of ages,the acts of the apostle ,the early writings and the patriach and the prophets and saw that the contents of the books were accordings with the Bible.And that she took into consideration what has been written in revelation chapter 22:19 .this quotes that “And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy,God shall take his part out of the book of life,and out of the Holy city,and from the things which are writing in this book.i will humby admonish my learned professors to use the scriptures as the standard of faith.RATHER THAN resorting to scientific means.may OUR HEAVENLY FATHER BLESS AND KEEP US UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.

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