Recently it’s been gradually dawning on me that there is more to me than my dis-order. All my life I’ve hated the term “sexual abuse survivor” b/c it seems not only limiting, but kinda insulting as well. As if the abuses inflicted upon me during childhood make up the sum total of who I am. Well, the whole DID thing is no different. Yes, there are many personalities living inside my head, but they are not visible to the naked eye. And contrary to media portrayal of DID, when my personalites switch back and forth it’s usually not in an obvious way that would cause someone to do a double-take. In fact my parts have the whole switching technique down to such a science that I don’t always know when someone else has come to the front. (Depending on who it is, though. Some parts are more dominant than others, and thus much more obvious to me.)
Just a while ago I drove the few blocks to our nearest store, and had to make sure that it was an adult part at the wheel. I don’t know how that happens, really. There wasn’t any conversation going on, verbally or inside my head; I just made some kind of inner adjustment, and everything blurry in my surroundings came into better focus. The static inside my head didn’t totally disappear, but became quieter, almost like a peaceful hum. When I returned I had a phone conversation with a relative. My most outgoing part came out and took over, and my loved one never knew the difference b/c he’s been dealing with this personality all of his life…he just doesn’t know it… yet.